If you were me
by CatMisaKoolChan
Summary: Dave struggles with home life and in general being himself. Surrounded by friends around him is there actually anyone that truly understands him? Is he strong enough to protect the small Karkat who also seems to be putting on a fake persona? What would you do if you had the life Dave Strider? /DaveKat Fanfiction, Highschool AU, All humans
1. Introduction- I am Dave Strider

Dave wasn't exactly the cool guy at school but he sure as hell acted like one. Skinny jeans, red baseball jacket and classy yet ironic shades. The teen sat at the back desk, feet propped up before him. He was surrounded by a close group of friends who truly cared about him furthermore he truly cared about them. However Dave didn't feel like Dave. To himself, Dave meant an aura of false bravado. Dave meant a happy boy going with the flow. That wasn't really him though but there was no way anyone was ever going to know that.

"Okay so I hope you guys don't mind but I have invited a friend to come sit with us at lunch today! I think you guys will like him! Probably… Maybe…?" John Egbert spoke in his usual chirpy manner. John was one of his closest and longest friends, ever since pre-school actually. They became friends when Dave beaten on one of John bullies when they were teasing him about his glasses, that detention was always worth it. Even though they were best friends they might as well be the polar opposites. John was small, kind of timid on the other hand cheerful and outgoing. He was the kinda guy to apologize to someone who punched him. Dave admired John for his kindness and determination however not his awful taste in cheesy actions movies.

"John you like anyone that smiles at you" Rose Lalonde chuckled softly to herself, the way she would say things would always sounded so insulting but if you really knew her she was actually as soft as a button. All bark but no bite. Rose was Dave's younger sister, just old enough to make it to his year strangely enough. They sort of looked like each other with the blonde hair, sharp eyes yet looked nothing alike at the same time. Dave was slightly broad, tall with long limbs moreover Rose was medium height with an hourglass figure and sharp shoulders. It more then likely does not help that they do not live together. Their parents split up when we were young as a consequence Rose stayed with their mother and Dave ended up with his Dad. We don't talk about it. Rose will never visit them at home in addition to that Dave have no real motivation to spend family time with his mother or sister. He sees Rose at school and that is enough for him, as for the his mother he has had enough on the parent front. Dave didn't like thinking about his parents.

"Now I don't think that's so true, let's give them the benefit of the doubt" Jade Harley beamed. That is John's cousin that moved over only a few years ago. Jade and John looked more like siblings then Dave and Rose. They both had glistening black hair, prominent two front teeth that would bite slightly on the lower lip and both wore glasses, they were roughly the same height, shoulder height on Dave and a head taller then Rose. Dave and Jade used to be a thing aside from that they ended on a smidge of a bad note. Dave felt he wasn't good enough for Jade so he decided to cut it off there and then. Even though Jade forgave him, John wasn't so easily letting go of that sore spot around the the breakup. Jade and Dave have been cool ever since but he will admit he still has a soft spot for her.

"I think he's friend's with TZ, I hear they hang out a lot" John said just as soon as the bell chimes. Dave nods in response with a small "huh" as both John and Jade pack up their bags and return to their assigned seats. Rose spins around in her chair and faces forward, her long black skirt dragging across the floor as she does so. She opens up her compact mirror using it to re-apply her black lipstick and a way to peek at him from the seat behind her. Dave raises an eyebrow looking at her quizzically.

"Aren't you jealous?" Rose questions still peering at him through her mirror. Dave rolls his eyes, he knows she is just trying to get under his skin just so she can do her psycho babble on him. He slips his legs under the table and leans forward on the desk.

"Why would I, the coolest boyfriend this earth has ever had the utmost pleasure to have get jealous of my girlfriend having a male friend?" Dave sneers at her, leaning back against his chair, it creaking beneath his weight. Rose sighs, snapping her compact mirror shut and sliding it into her black coffin shaped bag. "I ain't some douche who is gonna tell her what she can and can't do" Rose turns her head to look at the teen face to face. It appears she wants to reply to Dave's remark but before she could the teacher strolls into the classroom and starts his lesson.

It was now lunch and the whole group were spaced out across in a small part of the high school's field, chatting away and chowing down on whatever lunch they had brought. Dave had a packet of crisps along with a bottle of apple juice that he bought from what change he had left, he would usual mooch off other people didn't want of their lunch. Dave was a growing boy and needed to fill up his black hole of a stomach. He laid on the grass on his back, using his elbows to prop himself up to be able to look at people easier during conversations.

"Hey! Over here!" Dave looks toward John who's waving his hand in the air signalling toward a group of three already making their way toward us.

"Oh jesus John, you meant him?" Dave said with a sigh, throwing his head back. Dave meant the very small boy that walked beside a considerably tall woman that looked incredibly regal along with his girlfriend Terezi. The small boy obviously heard Dave and clenched his fists with an extremely pissed of expression (not like he usually had that expression). He couldn't quite remember but he believed his name was Karkat?

"Fuck you Strider, if you hate my presence so much why don't you crawl back into whatever dirt hole you were born from" Karkat spat at Dave, crossing his arms. Was he having a tantrum already? John leant forward, glancing quickly between Dave and Karkat.

"So you guys know each other?" John equired, pushing up his glasses.

Dave scoffed "Hardly, we just got stuck in detention together at one point"

"Excuse you, you make it sound so innocent! You kept chatting shit through out, calling it rapping but it was the most irritating thing I have ever had to endure" God, Karkat's voice gets even more screechy the more gets pissed off. Taking one peek at Karkat however he looked more infuriated then just pissed off.

"Dude, you shoved a pencil up my nose!" Dave exclaimed, furrowing his brows together, he felt himself getting slightly irritated. Man, does this guy just rub off on you.

"You poured juice all over my fucking work! ...Beside it was the rubber end" Karkat protested at that instant Terezi nudged Karkat's arm with her shoulder while making her way closer to me, using her blind stick to make sure she can walk safely. He sometimes wondered why she actually had that stick, that girl has crazy talent of being very aware of her surroundings by sound and smell.

"Just shut up and sit down before you blow your head off" Terezi snickered, dropping her stick beside Dave's leg, lowering herself to a cross legged position next to me. Terezi was beautiful there was no doubt about that, she made a point to wear extreme looking shades since she couldn't see anyway. That was something Dave could get behind. Sure she always wore something as plain as just t-shirt and jeans literally all the time that hid her figure and even made her look boyish to match her attitude. She still had a small cult following of boys that would gladly have her step on them. Dave guessed he could see why but for him the main attraction to Terezi is that she never pitied herself for her disability. In fact, she saw it as a challenge that she needed to face head on. He admired that. That and that they could have fun appreciating some meme's together.

Karkat huffed turning his head sharply, still standing. Yep, he was defiantly having a tantrum. Karkat honestly looked like a child in that moment, his chubby face in a permanent sour scowl, wearing a jumper that almost drowned his tiny frame. Didn't help he wore skinny jeans that made him look like a lemon on a stick. He turned his attention away to the third member that joined the group. The tall woman that seemed to stick by Karkat, staying silent. Now Dave was no fashion guru but he could defiantly tell that she must spend a fortune on her attire, she was very classy. Too classy even especially for school. She appeared thick with makeup, large earrings and rings that reflected the sun's light made her appear heaps older than she actually must be. In any other situation he would have mistaken her for a teacher that he has just never seen before. The woman caught Dave's gaze, turning a slight pink she turned her head so she couldn't see him looking anymore. Was he looking or blatantly staring he didn't know. Honestly he thought he could just rely on his shades to not show what he's doing with his eyes.

Dave only just realised the awkward silence until Rose decided to speak up "So, John how did you become friends with Karkat and this lovely lady we haven't been introduced to yet" she put extra emphasis on the last bit. Something about the way she said it was similar to way she would only talk about things she had genuine interest in. He caught Rose fluttering her eyelashes toward the tall woman. Was she serious? She's smiling, fuck she is serious.

"Actually it was only me and John. We have been hanging out at the homework club after school then he told me to come with Terezi for lunch. But this is Kanaya, she would only sit alone if she didn't come with us" Karkat explains gesturing to the tall woman. Kanaya almost has panic in her eyes when Karkat was talking about her sitting alone. Dave guesses Kanaya doesn't like being called out for being a loner. Dave sits up turning his attention toward John.

"Why couldn't you have found a better friend?" Dave challenged, running a hand through his golden hair with a bored expression.

"I agree, why couldn't you?" Everyone turned to upon hearing Jade speaking so boldly like that. Jade was sitting on her knees holding a daisy chain that she had only half finished, staring at John. If it wasn't for the serious expression on Jade's face, Dave would have laughed. Jade doesn't have any energy to dislike someone therefore Karkat must have done some really bad to piss even her off. Dave looks back toward Karkat who evidently looks extremely bashful. Dave wondered what that meant, why was Karkat blushing? It was obvious however that in that precise moment he wanted to be anywhere but here.

"Harley I-" Kanaya cuts off Karkat before he can finish by saying "He isn't so bad you know? Just give him a chance, he warms on you. He just… isn't in very much control of his emotions." Kanaya smiled warmly, something in the way she looked at Karkat seemed very motherly. It was also a surprise to hear her speak, she has a very unique accent. Northern Dave supposed but defiantly from nowhere near here. Terezi poked Dave and gave him a reassuring nod as if to enhance Kanaya's words. The teen shrugged, if it was to be true Dave would have to find out but for now Karkat was just a irritating loud mouth.

…

Dave returned home to the apartment which he shared with his Dad. Except he never called him Dad, he always hated being called that so Dave has to call him Bro. Maybe Bro didn't feel fatherly enough to be called Dad. It makes sense. Dave shoved past all the dirty clothes, strewn about puppets and general crap on the floor, making his way to his room. He didn't feel like making anything to eat especially when he heard his Bro cluttering around in there. Dave wasn't ready to face him, not today. The last marks he left were bad enough for the week.


	2. Where is he?

/I have changed the writing style to a more P.O.V just because I think it writes better this way! Either way I hope you still enjoy, thank you for reading!

Apparently it appears that the trio will be sticking with us at lunch each day. Terezi occasionally sits with us but never everyday until now. I don't mind that however I wouldn't mind if she wanted to eat with her friends either. Terezi, Kanaya and Karkat are all from the same class across the hall from us. Occasionally a fourth person would join them named Sollux. Karkat would exclaim the whole lunch that the only reason he would sit with us is if things were not working out with his current girlfriend who I believe was Feferi. Honestly, I think this Sollux guy generally wants to hang out with his friends that now sit with us howbeit Karkat gives the guy such a hard time that he probably just prefers the solitude of the classroom than the constant sound of Karkat's incredibly loud (and annoying) voice. Not like I get along with Sollux either, the guy will often brag of his self hatred yet still and attempt to one up me at everything. Evidently I must admit I do get a kick out of Karkat constantly fighting with him, I mean Karkat has a big mouth but he is actually pretty bearable. Dare do I go as far to say funny? Even after all of this though, Terezi tells me that they are best friends, that they were even closer before but after some sort of incident between Sollux and another girl they drifted apart somewhat.

Through time John informed me a few things about Karkat, one that honestly made me laugh so much I ended up with incredible stomach cramps and heaving doubled over of John's bedroom floor while we were playing Halo 5. John disclosed that as soon as Jade moved over that Karkat had the crazy hots for her when they were put into the same science class.

"According to Karkat, Jade was giving him the signal that she liked him. He kinda freaked out and would either yell at her or become increasingly overwhelming with love towards her. Jade had no clue what was going on, it just sounded like a painful mess if you ask me" John said with his eyes glued to the screen, he was in his concentration mode for sure. I was at the time more interested in the gossip that John had so I was half heartedly playing the game. I think John knew that though, hence his extra effort to fight the game for the both of us.

"That dude just sounds bipolar as fuck, you think there is… anything wrong with him?" I asked, quickly glancing between the screen and John.

"No, he's just a jerk" Dave agreed with that statement. He sure was a jerk at the best of times whereas a character like his was almost cartoonish and not real. Any sane person would just assume the guy had ADD or something but I guess that was not the case. I can't explain why I felt a little disappointed. Maybe I just wanted someone to relate to, someone I could connect spiritually too? No. For one, this is like I'm self diagnosing myself with depression. Two, I would I relate sadness to anger issues especially when that person I would relate to is that selfish asshole Karkat that I didn't even partially like that much. Although there is something about his that's just.. Fun. Plain and simple. Fun. Probably just because he was easy to mess with.

Addition to that any half wit could tell that Karkat has a strong thing with Terezi. The way he makes googly eyes at her at everything she does. I especially notice it when we are at lunch and I can feel his eyes burning into me if I am so much as 10 centimeters too close to her. I can't deny that knowing how pissed off he gets I will only just get closer to her, maybe even wrap my arm around her slim waist and whisper into her ear just to see him squirm with rage. Little does he know that I am whispering dated memes into her ear that should've been left to rest a very long time ago. Something about how his energy perks up about how mad he is just feels my entire body with bubbles of excitement, occasionally thinking about it will make me smile the whole day. I'm not sure if I am okay with that or not… Does something about holding power against something to make them feel discomfort feel good like I would imagine it does to my big bro? That thought frightens me and I push it to the deepest depths of my mind it can go instead I hold on to the smidge in my mind that doesn't understand the feeling but just has something so innocent and happy to it. So simple as just enjoying is usual mannerisms and so on.

With that feeling in mind it was so off when lunch came around the corner on a normal tuesday and Karkat wasn't there. Sure the lunch was calm and slightly relieving since we didn't have to put Karkat in some sort of control and have him speak incredibly obnoxiously at us instead of to us on the other hand there was Terezi and Kanaya who seemed unusually sullen mood. Maybe you wouldn't catch it at first glance but Terezi who is normally bounding into any conversation only spoke when she was spoken too, the rest of the time she stared down at her red dap shoes. Kanaya had a look of worry in her eyes, constantly picking at loose threads and daydreaming more than usual. I wanted to ask what was wrong but I felt nerves running down my spine to even bring it up let alone the lump in my throat when I thought I could force myself to speak. Half of me was worried something really bad happened that I wouldn't like to know, the other half of me worried that I wouldn't know how to comfort them. That I will just be an awkward slab of rock to even someone who is my girlfriend. Even still, I tried. I sat close by Terezi, a hand placed over hers and my free arm wrapped loosely around her shoulders. Physical comfort is largely underrated, Dave would know.

"So uhh.. What's the awkward mood for?" Of course John would be the one to finally ask. Dave felt a wave of relief that he wasn't the one to do it plus anticipation on their reaction and whether they would actually answer. Kanaya shuffled uncomfortably, losing interest on a thread she had been previously picking at she looks over at Terezi as if for a confirmation she can say anything. Rose glares at John, placing her pale hand on Kanaya's shoulder in almost a protective stance toward John but soft and inviting body language toward Kanaya.

"John! You can't just outright say things like that" Rose scolded, squeezing Kanaya's shoulder as she did so. Nevertheless I could only guess how much Rose lusted to know what's going on, if it was some deep shit she could unravel like the psychiatrist she be convinced herself she is. Then again I felt as though we were all curious, who wouldn't want to understand the cloud of awkwardness that hovered over our heads that coincidently started when Karkat wasn't here. I felt Terezi move underneath my grasp, she lets out a laugh, slamming her hands on the grass beneath her.

"Do you really miss the loudmouth that much that we can't be normal without him for a change?" Terezi snickers, grabbing hold of my hand and leaning slightly to her left side toward me. "It's nothing at all, it's just weird because we aren't talking like all the time!" I could hear her voice break slightly while she spoke with a grin plastered to her face. I don't believe I have ever seen Terezi so… fake before. Everyone seemed to shrug it off, mostly as that was an answer to not push the matter even further. They all went about doing what they were before, feeling more awkward than previously everyone made extra effort to start up conversations to fill the silent void. I stared intently at her until she caught my gaze. She was aware I saw right through her, she gave my hand a reassuring squeeze accompanied with a weak smile.

"You hang out at mine tonight?" I nod in reply to Terezi's question. There was no doubt in my mind that she was going to confide in me what was really happening and I wanted to be there the reassure her. Sometimes I couldn't understand why she was so open towards me, sure we were dating but I am a bottle of secrets that she is only vaguely aware and she knew she was never going to know about them anytime soon. Yet she still trusted me enough to tell me everything? In truth it made me feel guilty that is was one sided on the other hand what I keep quiet about my life doesn't have to affect her in anyway. She even knows well enough not to come over to my place, she asked once or twice however the answer was always a firm no so she never pushed about it again. Another reason why I liked Terezi, she respected my space and treated my as an individual. If it was Jade however she would pry even if it was from the goodness in her heart trying to help, it was always too overbearing to handle.

Time was just going painfully slowly today. After lunch I became so aware of the time I felt like there was a clock in my chest chiming away slowly with each second. I was itching to be done with these tedious lessons and to see Terezi. My leg bounced with anticipation causing the people either side of me to get incredibly irritated at me. I couldn't care less honestly. All I cared about was watching time tick. I was so agitated my work was just incomprehensible scribbles on a sheet of paper. I hated bad aura that surrounded my friends, it always seem to rub off on me and I would start to reflect my handwriting on the paper before me. I had to understand everything or it would drive me wild like a cat constantly trying to unravel from a ball of yarn it decided to leap into. My brain acted as static from a television, nothing making sense and white noise. When I heard the bell ring across the classroom I whipped out my bag and shoved everything from my desk in with one big sweep of my arm and a matter of urgency. Before I could even leave the classroom quick enough I felt a hand across my chest stopping me in my tracks. I huff and grumble, knowing full well who's hand it belonged to.

"I need to talk to you, can I walk you home?" Rose's voice was serious and her eyes almost begged me to say yes but there was no way I could agree.

"Do you think we could do this tomorrow? I gotta go" I felt students leave past me and the curious eyes of Jade and John as they walked past us.

"Dave, I-" I push against her hand, cutting her off before she can finish. I could hear her grumble irritably behind me. I made a mental note to make it up to her later but for now I was focused on one thing. I scurried down the school hall to Terezi's form room hoping it was English class she actually did finish on. Just to make sure he peaked his head round the classroom's corridor to see if there was any sight of Terezi. None. Bummer. Por contra I did discover two students, one boy and one girl, who looked as though they had been involved in a bar rumble. The boy was gathering up, what I assumed, the girls textbooks into his arms, he was small but slightly taller than the female, had shoulder length hair and cracked glasses. What caught my eye was his swollen eye shrouded in black and blue, a busted lip that was slightly oversized on the side it was cut on. There were slightly visible bruises scattered on the skin that was exposed under his shirt. The most eye-catching was the mark of red hands around his neck that peeked up from his collar. The girl who stood beside him watching intently as he moved had a bobbed haircut and a baby face which somehow didn't sit well with her feline resembling eyes. She looked considerable better than the guy, from what I could see she only had a bright red cheek as though she was slapped only just recently. The only reason I could tell that wasn't the case was because one cheek was puffed out larger than the other one. The two beaten teens made him feel uneasy, those marks were nothing he was new to seeing in conjunction with seeing the resemblance in himself. There was a small number of students in the classroom be that as it may they did not even seem to acknowledge the two packing up. I could only seem to tear my eyes away when I felt two hands slapped against my shoulders causing me to jolt into reality again. The two hands that I recognized as Terezi's due to one of the hands holding a stick in their hand as it fell upon my back, pulled me away from the doorway and near the lockers by the classroom. Terezi removed one of her hands that held her stick from my shoulder so she could rest her chin against my shoulder. I heard her stick click on to the floor as she said "Sorry I was at my locker, you found something interesting in classroom? I was calling your name for ages" I could feel the hum of her throat on my shoulder as she spoke, I nudged her so she could let go and spin to face her. Terezi leant against her blind stick as I placed a hand against her back, a way to let her know we were going to start walking again.

"Did you? Sorry, I was in my own little world of awesomeness" I laughed it off deciding to not bring up the teens I saw previously.

"Ohhh? I thought you were deciding to play hide and seek with a blind girl. I don't need eyes to see where people are, make sure you don't forget it" Terezi chimed, her energy seeming to be more picked up then before. I tapped a finger against my head, smirking as I do so.

"My brain doesn't forget anything otherwise how am I supposed to remember my amazing raps"

"Oh my God" Terezi groans slightly as she says that but I know she appreciates my raps as long as she isn't trying to have a conversation with me.

We make our way to Terezi's home sharing a light hearted conversation. Making jokes and sharing our latest information on memes. As we walked we held hands loosely, neither of us really make much effort to be intimate otherwise it just feels awkward and uncomfortable. Not to say we aren't ever intimate, we have those rare moments where we either make out or are incredibly close just as long as we both actually feel like it. As we entered her house we were hit by the sound of loud music. Terezi cringed as she heard the dubstep drown out the house because she couldn't see her hearing was at max intensity so how loud it was must really stung. It wasn't so bad, my headphones were constantly at max volume so I was used to the eardrum abuse however it was so loud I felt the whole house rumbling against my feet.

"I take it your mum isn't home then?" I said close into her ear just so it was easier to hear. She shook her head, dropping her backpack onto the floor, releasing her hold on my hand. I followed suit, following her up the stairs to her bedroom.

"Must mean Mituna is here" Terezi whines. I have to strain to hear her through the noise. This isn't the first time, Terezi's older sister Latula always played loud music when her boyfriend Mituna was there. I never seen the guy before but that was because, as Terezi informed me, Latula and Mituna were always having a hard core making session every time they were round. Apparently when Mituna first started coming over when their mother wasn't home all Terezi could hear was "disgusting wet noises and putting off moans" so Latula would play loud music to cover for Terezi. I don't think it's very considerate to Terezi but I believe she prefers it over her sister's sloppy make out audio. Once in Terezi's room the sound dulls slightly and Terezi looks thankful. I collapsed onto ther bed, leaning my back against the cold wall, feeling the rumbles against my back making my spine tingle. Terezi paced around her room after setting her blind stick against her dresser, messing with small things that sat upon her shelf.

"Do you know that Mituna is actually Sollux's older brother?" Terezi smirked, kicking her foot against the floor. Her posture seemed more uncomfortable and her mood resembled how it was back at lunch. Obviously stalling something she was holding back.

"I thought one of the Captors was enough but there's more? Not cool" I replied, tilting my head slightly to the side, watching her curiously. Terezi nodded, staying silent for a moment. She could tell from my tone of voice that I was waiting for her to tell me something else. She shuffled her way to her bed that I was sat upon, slowly sitting down and laying her head on my lap. She lays on her bed, looking at me somehow through her glasses, her knees pulled up. I simply stay where I was, watching her.

"Karkat's fine, there's nothing actually wrong with him" I feel a wave of relief rush through my body, causing me to feel slightly light headed and annoyed that I was actually happy that asshole was alright. It wasn't the right time to feel relieved though Terezi looked like she was about going to explode at any moment so I knew there was more. "He has a best friend named Gamzee, we are all pretty close with him but Karkat especially" Terezi bit her lip, her expression appeared to me concerned and she knitted her brows together as if she was contemplating how much she should actually tell me. "He's not all there.. In.. you know.. The head? Well, he went mad and went crazy on two of the students in my class. Equius and Nepeta…" She must mean the two I saw from my classroom, man he really did a number on them. "Karkat is the only one that can calm him down when he gets like that so he took the day off so he could make sure Gamzee would go back to normal however we can all see that it's starting to lose its charm and it's only a matter of time when nothing can make him better.." Terezi's face fell as she murmured the last pit. Something about the way she was explaining this seemed.. Off, she must care more for Gamzee then he's really catching on. "Kanaya and me are worried for them both, I can tell that Karkat is becoming terrified of him" we stay silent for a moment. Neither of us could think of anything to say. Terezi sat up, placing her hands on bed in front of her, leaning against her hands. Her face was so close to mine I felt her breath against her mouth. It was always what she did when she tried to read emotions since she couldn't see my expression. As if is she tried hard enough she could feel my aura and know.

"You were worried, I felt your muscles relax when I said he was okay, you care about him" she whispered softly, I could almost feel where this was going.

"How do you feel about Gamzee?" I retorted with no emotion in my voice. I was mad nor did I want to demand an answer from her, honestly I felt nothing. Whatever I was feeling before was gone and I was swamped with a feeling of nothing.

"Are you in love with me Dave?" I didn't answer her question, instead I pressed my lips against hers. She kissed back lazily with the same amount of effort I was putting into the kiss. I snaked my arms around her waist, pulling her on my lap as she wrapped her arms around my neck and her hands deep into my hair. We hummed into each others lips, slipping my tongue into her mouth with a slight hunger. Hunger for physical contact. But no passion. No heartfelt actions.

I trekked back home, slightly ragged from the intense moment with Terezi. I felt numb and I despised it. I wanted to shut out the world and drown in my thoughts. My heart and when I saw the lights on in my apartment. He was awake, fuck. I did everything I could to keep myself from whimpering arrived home and found Bro standing in the halfway, expecting and arms crossed over his chest. Not tonight. Please. Before I knew it was getting dragged to the roof to our apartment, hand gripped too tightly on my wrist. So tight that when he let go there was a mark on my wrist. We stood five meters away from each other, the wind whipping around us. We said nothing, we knew what was happening. A regular event that happened almost daily if he caught me home at a certain time of the day. It began. Bro charged at me, landing a hard punch in my stomach. The wind was knocked out of me, I choked struggling to not crumble on my knees. As he swung for another hit I aimed my fist into his chest but he was too quick. He grabbed my balled up fist and punched me again in my rib. This was his way to teach me how to fight however it felt more as though as I was a punching bag. Now more then ever I can actually land punches on him now I'm 17 the I was when I was 13. Even still he was taller, broader and kicked my ass everytime. He never hit my face so that no one would question it at school, never beat me enough that I would have to go hospital. But enough that today just like other days I would be on the roof, throbbing pain coursing throughout the whole of the body.

My legs feeling like jelly but refusing to crumble until I could no longer see Bro. I won't cry nor will I beg for it to stop. I refuse to allow Bro to see my weakness. It was something we both despised. I bled as if it was sweat, my torso felt like it could snap at any moment. My heart sat in the bottom of my stomach, I wanted to throw up. I dragged my limp body towards my room, glad I didn't see Bro on the way. Not like he would do anything. He had done enough. I stood in front of my mirror, peeling my shirt from my skin. Cringing when I had to lift my arms up, the pain becoming unbearable. I just stood, scanning my body up and down. Black and blue blotches scattered my body as well as red ones from previous assaults that were fading away. All the fighting has toned my body up but I looked so fragile like precious china that could snap so easily if you placed a hand on me. Tears stung my eyes.

Don't cry

I chanted to myself as I removed my pants as well. I just need a good night sleep. I crawled into my bed, cringing each time anything brushed against the sensitive skin. I was always grateful for how easily I could fall asleep. Sleeping always meant I could be away from everything and I wouldn't be aware of how fucked up everything truly was.

I awoke the next morning feeling reluctant to get out of bed however my alarms was steadily ringing until I blindly slammed my hand on its button to stop. I had to pry my eyes open to the harsh light that leaked from my curtains. I groaned shifting my body to lay on my back and look up the ceiling. My entire self ached from my toes to my head. I had to gather up what was left of my willpower to roll out of bed. I snatched up some painkillers from my bedside table and a laid about bottle of apple juice that i cared not to check the date of to take the pills. I hoped it would dull some of the pain and decrease the amount of pounding in my head on the other hand I take them too regularly so I doubt they do much anymore. I sluggishly get dressed and take one look in the mirror to make sure that I look somewhat decent. I step closer to the mirror and look at my eyes. I hate them more than anything. Exactly like my Bro's, crimson red. I grab my shades and put them on. I've always worn shades, I had a pair that my brother gave me as a kid but John gave me these shades to be "ironic". Which I do but that doesn't mean a guy can't love a pair of glassed his best bro got him for his 13th birthday. I should spend more time with John, he always great to hang out with. As I am leaving to go school a blonde gothed up girl stood outside my flat entrance. I jogged up to catch up to her, persistent to ignore the pain.

"Hey Rose, how come you came here? You never come here" I question, hoisting my bag strap further on my shoulder, looking at her with a curious expression. She starts sauntering off to the way to school, looking forward as she does but never at me.

"I asked mother to give me directions here, I wanted to speak to you when you rudely pushed me aside so I actually have the decency to _make_ time for you" she lift up her chin, her stance prideful as she still refused to look at me. She was pissed and I have to admit I do feel kinda guilty doing that to my sister. I sigh.

"Oh dear sister, I beg for you forgiveness. I'll be a weak and begging boy at your knees if you so wish it" I plead mockingly, pressing my hands together in a praying motion. Rose rolls her eyes and storms a head slightly faster however I easily catch up with her in long strides.

"This is serious Dave if you even know the meaning of that word… and don't go mad at me at what I bring up" I stop in my tracks, staring down at the road before us. How much does she know? She takes a few steps forward till she realises I'm not following and turns to face me, staring at the ground, rolling back and forth on her heels. "I know he isn't treating you right.. So does mother." I scoff, shaking my head and looking at Rose with a forced grin.

"I have no idea what you're talking about" I lie, spitting the words through my teeth. Rose dares to look at me, genuinely concerned. She takes a deep breath and quickly walks over to me. Before I can back a way she grabs my arm and pulls up my sleeve,the hand mark as visible as can be. I yank my arm away and shove my sleeve down and start storming off in the direction of the school.

"She and I want you to come live with us!" She shouts, I can hear her heels hitting against the floor as she tries to catch up with me. I slow down my pace so can we can walk side by side, chuckling as I do so.

"Live with you and mum huh? An insane alcoholic. Sounds great and tell me Rose, tell me how much you adore being at home?" I know I'm patronising her and being cruel in ways I know I'll really regret later but right now words are just spilling out of my mouth. She looks at me straight in the eyes, her expression and tone of voice firm.

"She's getting help, aunt Roxy is helping her with it. Please just come over sometime and see for yourself!" Rose pleads, begging me with her eyes. My anger tones down and slowly I am able to think more clearly. I want to hug her, really badly but that would just end badly for the both of us.

"Rose, even if I do see there's no point in me coming back. So just drop it because I won't change my mind" I say almost apologetically. Moving my gaze toward the ground.

"Dave you're gonna fall apart. You want a better life and I know it.. That's why you're with Terezi right? You just need the affection and she will give it to you, but the way you look at her… it's not love it's need" I stay silent, just listening to her speak. Refusing to show her any emotion to prove anything that she is saying is right.

"Just for one day, let's be a family for once. We can love you more than he ever would".


	3. Betrayal

I agreed to at least to spend a day at home with Rose just show that she would hop off my case and leave the matter alone. We strolled silently together on our journey to school, neither of us could come up with a conversation so we listened to the world around us. It wasn't so bad, we weren't the kind of people who had to always fill the void with conversation.

We turned up to class with a few minutes to spare, both me and Rose started sorting out our desks and took a seat. John spotted me and Rose entering together as a consequence he raised his eyebrows coupled with a semi shocked expression. I only shrugged it off, this morning didn't perk me up to a good mood.

Both of my first two classes where in the same room and I was thankful for that. My body ached with no chance of ceasing. It made it troublesome to even focus on the task at hand, already struggling to concentrate when I have to keep fidgeting in my seat so I don't leave all my weight on one part of me for too long. It was agonizing really.

Once class had ended my teacher, Mrs Paint, told me that she had needed to speak to me before I left so I begrudgingly packed up and made my way to her desk where she sat, writing something I wasn't too interested in. Mrs Paint who always favoured bright colours in what she wore was wearing something rather simplistic today, consisting of a pink skirt and a white shirt. She looked young for her age, if it wasn't for her husband, Mr Noir, being the principal I would've assumed she was a lot younger.

"I see you have been falling behind in your work again, David" she did not look her to me as she spoke, still scribbling something down. I couldn't understand why she couldn't ever just say 'Dave'. I guessed it was because she had to keep some sort of formal communication since she acted more as a friend to her students that a teacher.

"Yeah, sorry Mrs P, I will do better" I respond while shoving my hands into my jean pockets, swaying slightly. Only then did she look up from her paper and at me.

"You have repeatedly told me this David. I know you're a very smart boy, I have seen what you do when you put your mind to it. But your results are like a rollercoaster, it is either good or incredibly low. Why is that?" She looked at me for an answer however I just gave a shrug in reply. "Well if this continues I will have to speak to your guardian about the issue…" I wait for her to continue, keeping a nonchalant stance. She scans my face as if to look for a response into what she said, when she found I had nothing to offer she sighed and continued "I would like you to go to the English club after school today. Your favorite subject and it appears you're struggling with that most" she moves her focus back toward her papers. "Thank you David, that's all" she waved her hand as a signal for me to leave. I did as instructed, spinning on my heal and making my way to the field.

On my trek toward to the field I can hear the familiar loud-mouthed yelling of a angsty teen boy from almost five yards away. I found myself smiling only a small bit when I heard Karkat. I rubbed my mouth as if I could rub the smile off my face before everyone sitting could see my arrival. John jogged over to me when he saw me in the distance, skidding to a stop when he was next to me.

"Hello trouble maker" He greeted with a dorky grin, his eyes creasing beneath him glasses and dimples showing. I tilt my head back ever so slightly with a mock offended expression, walking beside him.

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

"Mrs Paint called you after class, must mean you're in trouble" he teased, poking in my in the arm with both his hands playfully.

"Nah, she just wanted to congratulate me on my fucking outstanding work. Like, its so good she was going to forward it the president. This Strider is going places" I exclaim, pointing both my thumbs toward myself with a sneer. John scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"What did you get?"

"Gotta catch up in English club" I say honestly, dropping my hands back by my sides. John patted me on the back, we were almost with the others.

"That's not so bad" he says positively in a way to comfort to me whereas it wasn't really needed. I didn't mind clubs, let alone English study.

I sat down in my usual spot beside Terezi, she seemed more like herself today. That's good. She chatted away to Jade about something or another, a large grin across her face as she barely even acknowledged me when I sat beside her. Her almost ginger hair bouncing along with the excitement that she spoke with. Whatever the conversation they were having it pissed Karkat off (how common). He was protesting in the background but it appeared as though the girls were drowning him out. Rose appeared very amused watching while she sat unnaturally close to Kanaya. There knees touching in the position they were seated in, the hands closest to each other hid behind their backs. Squinting in their direction didn't even remotely help to see if they were hiding there held hands. Whatever I felt this morning seemed to melt away at the scene before him. Everything was back to normal it seemed.

"I don't even know why I bother! No one listens to me!" Karkat declared, throwing his hands in the air in defeat. I chuckle.

"Find something interesting to say then try again" I retort back, John sniggerd from the otherside of me. I didn't even realise he was sat right next to me. Karkat's face scrunched up as he stomped his way front of me, resting his balled up hands against his hips, leaning forward slightly.

"I should listen to some asshole that just blabs mind numbing nonsense for conversational advice?" Karkat continued to yell as he insulted me. I lean back against the palm of his hands, making sure to keep a relaxed posture just to piss him off more that his words weren't reaching me.

"Bro, I have everyone hanging off my every words, thirsty to hear whatever I utter next, isn't that right Terezi?" I nudge Terezi with my shoulder with a smug grin. She snaps her attention to me, blinking at me bewilderedly.

"What? I wasn't listening" I hear Karkat snicker, I pout in response to Terezi's reply. I look at Karkat who looks rather proud.

"At least I ain't too scared to talk to girls until they get bored and go for a real hunk" I smirk when I witness Karkat's proudness melt into becoming more livid.

"Fuck you Strider, not one, not twice but so fucking much you curl up and die!" I see Karkat's face dust red with rage and embarrassment. Dave couldn't help but laugh which only fueled Karkat's rage. I felt my stomach twinge inside him, fuck he looked cute when he was mad. I knew very well I should stop but teasing him was far too riveting.

"Dave is only messing, don't get so worked up" John inputs but he is also laughing along with me. Karkat huffed, dropping into a cross legged position, arms across his chest. His favorite sulking position of course.

The remainder of lunch was the same as normal, it was a great time to finally relax. However when classes came around I switched modes. Instead of being laid back, I decided to keep my head down and make sure to concentrate on my work. Anything to not make my Bro come into to school about my grades, more than likely when would whoop my ass about my shitty grades. We had a double Science lesson so I was accompanied by Jade, sitting next to me. She always breezed through tasks so when she had it completed she watched me curiously, not used to my focused demeanor. She usually had to scold me for annoying her and taking her attention while she worked, so when I was nose deep in my textbook I doubt she knew how to react.

After a while of watching me she started dozing off. A bad habit of hers. Jade only jolted awake at the slam of the classroom door, it even broke my concentration enough to make me lift my head to see what was going on. It was the stoner in our class (at least I was pretty sure he was always stoned) who decided to storm out. I didn't know his name, I barely remembered anyone's name that wasn't in my classroom. Science and Maths were my only mixed classes. The stoner guy only being in my science class, I saw him once a week.

"What happened?" Jade murmured, tilting her head slightly toward me. Looking at me with a side eye.

"Not sure, I only saw the stoner guy storm off" I replied, curious myself.

"You mean Gamzee?" Jade looked at my fully now, still making sure she spoke in a low tone that no one can overhear our nosiness.

"Holy fuck" So that's Gamzee. I really should've guessed, the guy who frequently was absent in the class as well as only consisting of two emotions. Agitated or extremely calmed that would always came off as stoned. This was Karkat's best friend? Opposites attract I guess?

"Dave? Dave! What's up?" Jade snaps me from my thoughts. I only shake my head in response, deciding to take an interest back in my work.

"Nuthin, I just heard some shit about him" Jade hums in response, looking of into the distance until she drifted back to snooze land again. From behind me I heard his other classmate say 'good riddance'. Without even looking to see who it was I recognised the voice. It was Eridan, the guy he got stuck with in each mixed class. His over the top high class accent was hard to miss. The guy was the definition of stuck up. I never had a personal problem with Eridan excluding how irritating he was. With that as it may, rich kids are known for being self centered pricks. Dave tried to not to ponder over why Eridan was being an extra dick to Gamzee and focus on getting the work done.

I felt quite accomplished with the effort I put in the lesson. I allowed myself to feel proud as I hugged Jade goodbye and headed for my English catch up club. As I opened the door to the classroom, I felt a spark of excitement in my chest when I saw the back of the guy with the messy, of the darkest brown mop and black sweater. I grinned, nodding toward my teacher as I headed to the black sweater boy who sat alone in the corner of the room, head buried in his work.

"Hey Karkat" I drawled, pulling the chair beside him out and slumped in the plastic chair. I survived him for his reaction. Karkat's head snapped up, bugeyed. His head gradually faced toward me. There was fear in his eyes.

"Oh for the love of god" Karkat cried, shuffling his chair so far away from me that half of his was crushed against the wall. It took all of my willpower to not laugh out loud. "Do you _have_ to sit here and make like life a miserable hell? Or can you be considerate for once in your life and kindly fuck off and let me do my work" Karkat threw his arm, gesturing to the empty seats.

"No can do bro, it's like I was put on this other to grace you with my presence" I declare, resting my chin on my hand to look at him.

"I'd rather kill myself" Karkat huffed, starting to write again. I leant over toward Karkat, peering over his shoulder and at what he was writing. I could barely even register what he was writing, it was more of dastardly scribble than handwriting. Karkat caught me doing so and snatched his papers away from my sight, hugging them to his chest. "I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't drool on my masterpiece" I leant back on my elbow, sinking more comfortably in the chair.

"You can't blame a guy for being curious, what'cha even doing there?" I raise my chin, nodding over to his work.

"None of your fucking beeswax" Karkat uttered. With a simple 'hmph' I shrugged and decided to pull out my English study work. I felt Karkat watch me doing so, placing his now crumpled up work back on his side of the desk. "...I'm doing study for an Shakespeare assignment" he mumbled feebly.

"So, you got made to catch up on your work too?" I ask, tapping my pencil against the desk. I remember to keep it in a tight grip in my hand so it doesn't go up my nose again. Karkat looks slightly uncomfortable, thumbing through his papers.

"No, I happen to like Shakespeare. Especially Romeo and Juliet. So.. I came here to do extra work on it" Karkat mumbled so quietly it's a struggle to make out what he's saying. I grimace slightly. Shakespeare is a cool dude and all, doing plays and shit but it was always to dramatic for my taste. Catching on my expression Karkat looks more than offended. I quickly think of a way to clear the air.

"Hey man, whatever floats your boat. What other stuff do you like?" I inquire, disregarding all the work I came here to do. Karkat appears as though as he is pondering whether to tell me or not.

"I like drawing. Me and Terezi used to draw all the time together" Of course he has to bring up Terezi. I think he half expected a reaction out of me but I didn't even move an inch.

"Hey man, me too! You got some you can show me?" He shoves his hand into his backpack, fumbling around. Sticking his tongue out between his lips as he did so. After a while he pulled out some more crumpled pieces of paper and slammed them in front of me. He nods for me to have a look through, I lift up the papers that have some really crappy crayon drawings of people. He flicked through the pages but they were more a less shitty crayon drawings of people. One of which he assumed was Terezi.

"Woah, these are terrible" I laughed, handing them back to the definitely now extremely bothered boy.

"Hey, fuck you this tres d'oeuvre" Karkat snatched the drawings from my hands, placing it with his other papers, laying his hands across them as if to pointlessly conceal what I have already seen.

"I think you mean chef-d'oeuvre" I reply with a smug expression.

"Fine then! Show me your art Picasso!" Karkat shouted, a scowl plastered on his face due to my teasing. I chuckle, deciding to humour him. I whip out my phone from my pocket, rewarding me a curious look from Karkat. I scroll through apps that jam-packed my phone until I finally found what I was looking for. I opened up my webcomic that I have been working on for a while, outstretching my hand toward Karkat so he can see it properly. "Really? You're just as terrible as I am" he accuses. Grabbing my wrist that held the phone, Karkat yanked me closer so he could getter a better look. Upon seeing me wince when the pulls shot a fiery pain up my whole arm his scowl deepens further.

"I don't even know how you think my work compares to yours! You just can't _understand_ my art" I say simply, waiting patiently till he let me retrieve my arm back. Slipping my phone back into my pocket, I take my time to examine Karkat who is having some sort of speech about how my art is simply some scribbles combined with word vomit in spite of me clearly not listening enough to react to what he says. As he speaks, his grumbly voice fades to silence in the back of my mind. For some unknown reason I can't tear my eyes away from his bizarrely appealing face. My eyes trail from his soft brows, round puppy like eyes with dark brown orbs. His plump lips and perfect teeth. Lastly to his sharp jawline that followed to his slim, slightly pointing chin. I feel a pool of guilt stir up in my gut and abruptly I want to evacuate. I have to turn away so I can cease this feeling but his voice returns and I'm feeling suffocated. Like I needed the whole world to pause so I can feel silence again.

Unable to continue sitting there feeling claustrophobic, I jolt up. My chair being knocked back slightly more than I meant to due to the speed I stood up. Karkat looked up at me, offended that I interrupted his speech.

"Sorry Vantas, got business in the little boys room" I say breezily as I back away out the room. His eyes follow me leave until I reach the door when he shrugs and goes back to what he was doing before I arrived. Once out of site I head to nearest exit, hoping dearly that fresh air would flush away whatever I was feeling. The closest exit was the one that lead to the back of the school building. It had a fire exit sign meaning students shouldn't use it unless it was in a cause of a fire. Regardless I shoved through the doors, I wouldn't be the first one to go against these rules. It was well known that students who wanted to smoke would sneak out this door and hide round the back. When I'm outside the refreshing air hits me enough to abolish my claustrophobia. I lean my back against the doors, inhaling and exhaling deeply. Allowing my thoughts to dissipate and just take in my surroundings.

In doing so, I overhear some wet sloppy noises and a girl giggling. Normally when I overhear people getting there love on I immediately walk the over way so it isn't some awkward stare down when they notice my presence except for the fact I recognized the sound of the giggle. I turned my head slowly toward the giggling, In my sight was Terezi passionately kissing the guy who I recently found out was Gamzee. I freeze, unable to function. My heart feels weird, like it wasn't sure how to feel as it pounded heavily in my chest.

"Terezi.." slips out my mouth, loud enough to catch their attention. Terezi instantly shoved the taller, lanky man away from her as her attention snapped to me. Gamzee allowed himself to fall back, laughing softly to himself.

"I'll leave you to deal with that sister" Gamzee's voice was deep but light hearted. I became conscious of my irritation when he thought he could play this off as no big deal. Gamzee sauntered off merrily around the corner.

Terezi and I stood, looking at each other for what felt like a straight five minutes until one of us finally picked up the courage to say something.

"Are you mad?" Terezi murmured, inching closer to me.

"No" I didn't feel angry at her. It was quite the opposite, I felt bad for her. She looked so incredibly broken, like she could only express guilt. Terezi sighed, taking her eyes away from me and to her hands she started rubbing together. "Y-you know I could.. Love you both… at the same time" Terezi stutterd, keeping her gaze lowered. Kicking her feet against the ground. I was semi stunned at her offer, even debating it for a quick moment.

"No, I don't think… we could do that. Besides, I don't think you want that either" I say, rubbing my hand against the back of my head. After a moment I couldn't take any longer so I pulled her into an embrace. Holding her tightly against my body, taking my hand to pet her head softly. I felt her arms find themselves around me as she buried her face into my chest.

"Don't tell Karkat" Terezi pleaded into my shirt, her grip tightening on me. I pull her away just enough that we were still in the hug but could see her face. "It will destroy him to know, he can't find out".

I settle back in my seat next to Karkat who has made a point the not acknowledge my return. I don't attempt to gain his attention however I do peek at him from the corner of my eye. He so oblivious, scribbling innocently without knowing anything. Sure, I haven't known this guy long but I can't even begin to imagine what he would feel if he only knew. It would be like John dating Jade so after we broke up (if they weren't related) the girl I would have loved breaking my heart and my best bro betraying me like that. My heart sinks to the bottom of my stomach, thinking this made me realise how lucky I am to have my friends. Here I am, constantly pitying myself when I am privileged to have friends that would never hurt me.

I continue to observe Karkat, does he have any proper friends? Does he suspect? Fuck, is this why he's so irritating? Is that his way of begging for attention? I sigh, laying my head on my arms. This guilt is seriously eating me up. I saw how much Terezi meant to Karkat, this was seriously fucked.

I make a deal with myself to make sure I get close with Karkat. Everyone needs friends, a true friend. Me and John would definitely be willing enough to pursue his irritating nature and support him. Guess I can't tell John about the situation though, dude has no ill intention but he can't keep a secret for his life. I look up once more at Karkat.

 _I am going to so fucking emotionally supportive_

I lay on my bed and think of my break up with Terezi. It would be a lie if I said I wasn't sad at all but honestly I predicted that we wouldn't stay together all that long. We were more like friends than anything else. That said, I am not comfortable that the person she was getting with is Gamzee for more reasons beyond Karkat. Gamzee is supposed to be notorious for his mood swings and that can only mean that Terezi is in danger of getting harmed. Obviously I don't know the guy well enough to know whether he would hurt someone he.. Loved? I ponder about making a rap about this but I decide against it, it seemed disrespectful and I was in no mood to even bother trying. Instead I grab my phone from my bedside table, scrolling through my contacts till I find someone I feel like talking too. Finding no one I decide to text John.

 _Yo John, do you think you can do me a favour?_

 _Maybe? Depends on what it is first before I say yes_

 _Dude, I'm not gonna ask you to be like, my new fuck buddy in my desperate times that is this long, cold and lonely night._

 _What do you want? :B_

 _Karkat's number_

 _What? Why?_

 _Just give it to me, I saw him in my English class and I need his opinion on sumthin_

 _:? Sure I guess, man hes gonna kill me_

 _Thanks Egderp B)_

Once Karkat's number gets sent through I take a while to debate to whether to text him. I type something in, my thumb hovering over the send button.

 _Hello Vantas, it's your favorite, actually everyone's favorite, cool guy_

I shut my eyes tight and hit the send button. I only peak one of my eyes open when I feel my phone buzz in my hand.

 _I AM GOING TO KILL WHOEVER GAVE YOU MY NUMBER_

I laugh to myself quietly, happy that he even replied. I was half expecting to block my number.

 _I am offended, that's not how you greet a friend_

 _FRIEND? WHATEVER DID I DO TO MAKE YOU THINK THAT? WHATEVER I DID I TAKE IT BACK_

 _Calm down with the caps bro, of course were buddies._

 _I ALWAYS TYPE LIKE THIS. WHAT DO YOU WANT STRIDER?_

 _Uhh, a conversation. Is that so bad?_

 _I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOUR UPTO BUT IF YOU CRAVE MY ATTENTION THAT BAD THEN I GUESS SURE_

This time I have to stifle my laugh underneath my hand, a large smile on my face. Feeling giddy all the way through the night we texted it each other. It got so late that I barely could even keep my eyes open to slits so bregudigly I told Karkat goodnight and fell into a deep sleep.


	4. Egderp

/I have changed the writing style to a more P.O.V just because I think it writes better this way! Either way I hope you still enjoy, thank you for reading!

Apparently it appears that the trio will be sticking with us at lunch each day. Terezi occasionally sits with us but never everyday until now. I don't mind that however I wouldn't mind if she wanted to eat with her friends either. Terezi, Kanaya and Karkat are all from the same class across the hall from us. Occasionally a fourth person would join them named Sollux. Karkat would exclaim the whole lunch that the only reason he would sit with us is if things were not working out with his current girlfriend who I believe was Feferi. Honestly, I think this Sollux guy generally wants to hang out with his friends that now sit with us howbeit Karkat gives the guy such a hard time that he probably just prefers the solitude of the classroom than the constant sound of Karkat's incredibly loud (and annoying) voice. Not like I get along with Sollux either, the guy will often brag of his self hatred yet still and attempt to one up me at everything. Evidently I must admit I do get a kick out of Karkat constantly fighting with him, I mean Karkat has a big mouth but he is actually pretty bearable. Dare do I go as far to say funny? Even after all of this though, Terezi tells me that they are best friends, that they were even closer before but after some sort of incident between Sollux and another girl they drifted apart somewhat.

Through time John informed me a few things about Karkat, one that honestly made me laugh so much I ended up with incredible stomach cramps and heaving doubled over of John's bedroom floor while we were playing Halo 5. John disclosed that as soon as Jade moved over that Karkat had the crazy hots for her when they were put into the same science class.

"According to Karkat, Jade was giving him the signal that she liked him. He kinda freaked out and would either yell at her or become increasingly overwhelming with love towards her. Jade had no clue what was going on, it just sounded like a painful mess if you ask me" John said with his eyes glued to the screen, he was in his concentration mode for sure. I was at the time more interested in the gossip that John had so I was half heartedly playing the game. I think John knew that though, hence his extra effort to fight the game for the both of us.

"That dude just sounds bipolar as fuck, you think there is… anything wrong with him?" I asked, quickly glancing between the screen and John.

"No, he's just a jerk" Dave agreed with that statement. He sure was a jerk at the best of times whereas a character like his was almost cartoonish and not real. Any sane person would just assume the guy had ADD or something but I guess that was not the case. I can't explain why I felt a little disappointed. Maybe I just wanted someone to relate to, someone I could connect spiritually too? No. For one, this is like I'm self diagnosing myself with depression. Two, I would I relate sadness to anger issues especially when that person I would relate to is that selfish asshole Karkat that I didn't even partially like that much. Although there is something about his that's just.. Fun. Plain and simple. Fun. Probably just because he was easy to mess with.

Addition to that any half wit could tell that Karkat has a strong thing with Terezi. The way he makes googly eyes at her at everything she does. I especially notice it when we are at lunch and I can feel his eyes burning into me if I am so much as 10 centimeters too close to her. I can't deny that knowing how pissed off he gets I will only just get closer to her, maybe even wrap my arm around her slim waist and whisper into her ear just to see him squirm with rage. Little does he know that I am whispering dated memes into her ear that should've been left to rest a very long time ago. Something about how his energy perks up about how mad he is just feels my entire body with bubbles of excitement, occasionally thinking about it will make me smile the whole day. I'm not sure if I am okay with that or not… Does something about holding power against something to make them feel discomfort feel good like I would imagine it does to my big bro? That thought frightens me and I push it to the deepest depths of my mind it can go instead I hold on to the smidge in my mind that doesn't understand the feeling but just has something so innocent and happy to it. So simple as just enjoying is usual mannerisms and so on.

With that feeling in mind it was so off when lunch came around the corner on a normal tuesday and Karkat wasn't there. Sure the lunch was calm and slightly relieving since we didn't have to put Karkat in some sort of control and have him speak incredibly obnoxiously at us instead of to us on the other hand there was Terezi and Kanaya who seemed unusually sullen mood. Maybe you wouldn't catch it at first glance but Terezi who is normally bounding into any conversation only spoke when she was spoken too, the rest of the time she stared down at her red dap shoes. Kanaya had a look of worry in her eyes, constantly picking at loose threads and daydreaming more than usual. I wanted to ask what was wrong but I felt nerves running down my spine to even bring it up let alone the lump in my throat when I thought I could force myself to speak. Half of me was worried something really bad happened that I wouldn't like to know, the other half of me worried that I wouldn't know how to comfort them. That I will just be an awkward slab of rock to even someone who is my girlfriend. Even still, I tried. I sat close by Terezi, a hand placed over hers and my free arm wrapped loosely around her shoulders. Physical comfort is largely underrated, Dave would know.

"So uhh.. What's the awkward mood for?" Of course John would be the one to finally ask. Dave felt a wave of relief that he wasn't the one to do it plus anticipation on their reaction and whether they would actually answer. Kanaya shuffled uncomfortably, losing interest on a thread she had been previously picking at she looks over at Terezi as if for a confirmation she can say anything. Rose glares at John, placing her pale hand on Kanaya's shoulder in almost a protective stance toward John but soft and inviting body language toward Kanaya.

"John! You can't just outright say things like that" Rose scolded, squeezing Kanaya's shoulder as she did so. Nevertheless I could only guess how much Rose lusted to know what's going on, if it was some deep shit she could unravel like the psychiatrist she be convinced herself she is. Then again I felt as though we were all curious, who wouldn't want to understand the cloud of awkwardness that hovered over our heads that coincidently started when Karkat wasn't here. I felt Terezi move underneath my grasp, she lets out a laugh, slamming her hands on the grass beneath her.

"Do you really miss the loudmouth that much that we can't be normal without him for a change?" Terezi snickers, grabbing hold of my hand and leaning slightly to her left side toward me. "It's nothing at all, it's just weird because we aren't talking like all the time!" I could hear her voice break slightly while she spoke with a grin plastered to her face. I don't believe I have ever seen Terezi so… fake before. Everyone seemed to shrug it off, mostly as that was an answer to not push the matter even further. They all went about doing what they were before, feeling more awkward than previously everyone made extra effort to start up conversations to fill the silent void. I stared intently at her until she caught my gaze. She was aware I saw right through her, she gave my hand a reassuring squeeze accompanied with a weak smile.

"You hang out at mine tonight?" I nod in reply to Terezi's question. There was no doubt in my mind that she was going to confide in me what was really happening and I wanted to be there the reassure her. Sometimes I couldn't understand why she was so open towards me, sure we were dating but I am a bottle of secrets that she is only vaguely aware and she knew she was never going to know about them anytime soon. Yet she still trusted me enough to tell me everything? In truth it made me feel guilty that is was one sided on the other hand what I keep quiet about my life doesn't have to affect her in anyway. She even knows well enough not to come over to my place, she asked once or twice however the answer was always a firm no so she never pushed about it again. Another reason why I liked Terezi, she respected my space and treated my as an individual. If it was Jade however she would pry even if it was from the goodness in her heart trying to help, it was always too overbearing to handle.

Time was just going painfully slowly today. After lunch I became so aware of the time I felt like there was a clock in my chest chiming away slowly with each second. I was itching to be done with these tedious lessons and to see Terezi. My leg bounced with anticipation causing the people either side of me to get incredibly irritated at me. I couldn't care less honestly. All I cared about was watching time tick. I was so agitated my work was just incomprehensible scribbles on a sheet of paper. I hated bad aura that surrounded my friends, it always seem to rub off on me and I would start to reflect my handwriting on the paper before me. I had to understand everything or it would drive me wild like a cat constantly trying to unravel from a ball of yarn it decided to leap into. My brain acted as static from a television, nothing making sense and white noise. When I heard the bell ring across the classroom I whipped out my bag and shoved everything from my desk in with one big sweep of my arm and a matter of urgency. Before I could even leave the classroom quick enough I felt a hand across my chest stopping me in my tracks. I huff and grumble, knowing full well who's hand it belonged to.

"I need to talk to you, can I walk you home?" Rose's voice was serious and her eyes almost begged me to say yes but there was no way I could agree.

"Do you think we could do this tomorrow? I gotta go" I felt students leave past me and the curious eyes of Jade and John as they walked past us.

"Dave, I-" I push against her hand, cutting her off before she can finish. I could hear her grumble irritably behind me. I made a mental note to make it up to her later but for now I was focused on one thing. I scurried down the school hall to Terezi's form room hoping it was English class she actually did finish on. Just to make sure he peaked his head round the classroom's corridor to see if there was any sight of Terezi. None. Bummer. Por contra I did discover two students, one boy and one girl, who looked as though they had been involved in a bar rumble. The boy was gathering up, what I assumed, the girls textbooks into his arms, he was small but slightly taller than the female, had shoulder length hair and cracked glasses. What caught my eye was his swollen eye shrouded in black and blue, a busted lip that was slightly oversized on the side it was cut on. There were slightly visible bruises scattered on the skin that was exposed under his shirt. The most eye-catching was the mark of red hands around his neck that peeked up from his collar. The girl who stood beside him watching intently as he moved had a bobbed haircut and a baby face which somehow didn't sit well with her feline resembling eyes. She looked considerable better than the guy, from what I could see she only had a bright red cheek as though she was slapped only just recently. The only reason I could tell that wasn't the case was because one cheek was puffed out larger than the other one. The two beaten teens made him feel uneasy, those marks were nothing he was new to seeing in conjunction with seeing the resemblance in himself. There was a small number of students in the classroom be that as it may they did not even seem to acknowledge the two packing up. I could only seem to tear my eyes away when I felt two hands slapped against my shoulders causing me to jolt into reality again. The two hands that I recognized as Terezi's due to one of the hands holding a stick in their hand as it fell upon my back, pulled me away from the doorway and near the lockers by the classroom. Terezi removed one of her hands that held her stick from my shoulder so she could rest her chin against my shoulder. I heard her stick click on to the floor as she said "Sorry I was at my locker, you found something interesting in classroom? I was calling your name for ages" I could feel the hum of her throat on my shoulder as she spoke, I nudged her so she could let go and spin to face her. Terezi leant against her blind stick as I placed a hand against her back, a way to let her know we were going to start walking again.

"Did you? Sorry, I was in my own little world of awesomeness" I laughed it off deciding to not bring up the teens I saw previously.

"Ohhh? I thought you were deciding to play hide and seek with a blind girl. I don't need eyes to see where people are, make sure you don't forget it" Terezi chimed, her energy seeming to be more picked up then before. I tapped a finger against my head, smirking as I do so.

"My brain doesn't forget anything otherwise how am I supposed to remember my amazing raps"

"Oh my God" Terezi groans slightly as she says that but I know she appreciates my raps as long as she isn't trying to have a conversation with me.

We make our way to Terezi's home sharing a light hearted conversation. Making jokes and sharing our latest information on memes. As we walked we held hands loosely, neither of us really make much effort to be intimate otherwise it just feels awkward and uncomfortable. Not to say we aren't ever intimate, we have those rare moments where we either make out or are incredibly close just as long as we both actually feel like it. As we entered her house we were hit by the sound of loud music. Terezi cringed as she heard the dubstep drown out the house because she couldn't see her hearing was at max intensity so how loud it was must really stung. It wasn't so bad, my headphones were constantly at max volume so I was used to the eardrum abuse however it was so loud I felt the whole house rumbling against my feet.

"I take it your mum isn't home then?" I said close into her ear just so it was easier to hear. She shook her head, dropping her backpack onto the floor, releasing her hold on my hand. I followed suit, following her up the stairs to her bedroom.

"Must mean Mituna is here" Terezi whines. I have to strain to hear her through the noise. This isn't the first time, Terezi's older sister Latula always played loud music when her boyfriend Mituna was there. I never seen the guy before but that was because, as Terezi informed me, Latula and Mituna were always having a hard core making session every time they were round. Apparently when Mituna first started coming over when their mother wasn't home all Terezi could hear was "disgusting wet noises and putting off moans" so Latula would play loud music to cover for Terezi. I don't think it's very considerate to Terezi but I believe she prefers it over her sister's sloppy make out audio. Once in Terezi's room the sound dulls slightly and Terezi looks thankful. I collapsed onto ther bed, leaning my back against the cold wall, feeling the rumbles against my back making my spine tingle. Terezi paced around her room after setting her blind stick against her dresser, messing with small things that sat upon her shelf.

"Do you know that Mituna is actually Sollux's older brother?" Terezi smirked, kicking her foot against the floor. Her posture seemed more uncomfortable and her mood resembled how it was back at lunch. Obviously stalling something she was holding back.

"I thought one of the Captors was enough but there's more? Not cool" I replied, tilting my head slightly to the side, watching her curiously. Terezi nodded, staying silent for a moment. She could tell from my tone of voice that I was waiting for her to tell me something else. She shuffled her way to her bed that I was sat upon, slowly sitting down and laying her head on my lap. She lays on her bed, looking at me somehow through her glasses, her knees pulled up. I simply stay where I was, watching her.

"Karkat's fine, there's nothing actually wrong with him" I feel a wave of relief rush through my body, causing me to feel slightly light headed and annoyed that I was actually happy that asshole was alright. It wasn't the right time to feel relieved though Terezi looked like she was about going to explode at any moment so I knew there was more. "He has a best friend named Gamzee, we are all pretty close with him but Karkat especially" Terezi bit her lip, her expression appeared to me concerned and she knitted her brows together as if she was contemplating how much she should actually tell me. "He's not all there.. In.. you know.. The head? Well, he went mad and went crazy on two of the students in my class. Equius and Nepeta…" She must mean the two I saw from my classroom, man he really did a number on them. "Karkat is the only one that can calm him down when he gets like that so he took the day off so he could make sure Gamzee would go back to normal however we can all see that it's starting to lose its charm and it's only a matter of time when nothing can make him better.." Terezi's face fell as she murmured the last pit. Something about the way she was explaining this seemed.. Off, she must care more for Gamzee then he's really catching on. "Kanaya and me are worried for them both, I can tell that Karkat is becoming terrified of him" we stay silent for a moment. Neither of us could think of anything to say. Terezi sat up, placing her hands on bed in front of her, leaning against her hands. Her face was so close to mine I felt her breath against her mouth. It was always what she did when she tried to read emotions since she couldn't see my expression. As if is she tried hard enough she could feel my aura and know.

"You were worried, I felt your muscles relax when I said he was okay, you care about him" she whispered softly, I could almost feel where this was going.

"How do you feel about Gamzee?" I retorted with no emotion in my voice. I was mad nor did I want to demand an answer from her, honestly I felt nothing. Whatever I was feeling before was gone and I was swamped with a feeling of nothing.

"Are you in love with me Dave?" I didn't answer her question, instead I pressed my lips against hers. She kissed back lazily with the same amount of effort I was putting into the kiss. I snaked my arms around her waist, pulling her on my lap as she wrapped her arms around my neck and her hands deep into my hair. We hummed into each others lips, slipping my tongue into her mouth with a slight hunger. Hunger for physical contact. But no passion. No heartfelt actions.

I trekked back home, slightly ragged from the intense moment with Terezi. I felt numb and I despised it. I wanted to shut out the world and drown in my thoughts. My heart and when I saw the lights on in my apartment. He was awake, fuck. I did everything I could to keep myself from whimpering arrived home and found Bro standing in the halfway, expecting and arms crossed over his chest. Not tonight. Please. Before I knew it was getting dragged to the roof to our apartment, hand gripped too tightly on my wrist. So tight that when he let go there was a mark on my wrist. We stood five meters away from each other, the wind whipping around us. We said nothing, we knew what was happening. A regular event that happened almost daily if he caught me home at a certain time of the day. It began. Bro charged at me, landing a hard punch in my stomach. The wind was knocked out of me, I choked struggling to not crumble on my knees. As he swung for another hit I aimed my fist into his chest but he was too quick. He grabbed my balled up fist and punched me again in my rib. This was his way to teach me how to fight however it felt more as though as I was a punching bag. Now more then ever I can actually land punches on him now I'm 17 the I was when I was 13. Even still he was taller, broader and kicked my ass everytime. He never hit my face so that no one would question it at school, never beat me enough that I would have to go hospital. But enough that today just like other days I would be on the roof, throbbing pain coursing throughout the whole of the body.

My legs feeling like jelly but refusing to crumble until I could no longer see Bro. I won't cry nor will I beg for it to stop. I refuse to allow Bro to see my weakness. It was something we both despised. I bled as if it was sweat, my torso felt like it could snap at any moment. My heart sat in the bottom of my stomach, I wanted to throw up. I dragged my limp body towards my room, glad I didn't see Bro on the way. Not like he would do anything. He had done enough. I stood in front of my mirror, peeling my shirt from my skin. Cringing when I had to lift my arms up, the pain becoming unbearable. I just stood, scanning my body up and down. Black and blue blotches scattered my body as well as red ones from previous assaults that were fading away. All the fighting has toned my body up but I looked so fragile like precious china that could snap so easily if you placed a hand on me. Tears stung my eyes.

Don't cry

I chanted to myself as I removed my pants as well. I just need a good night sleep. I crawled into my bed, cringing each time anything brushed against the sensitive skin. I was always grateful for how easily I could fall asleep. Sleeping always meant I could be away from everything and I wouldn't be aware of how fucked up everything truly was.

I awoke the next morning feeling reluctant to get out of bed however my alarms was steadily ringing until I blindly slammed my hand on its button to stop. I had to pry my eyes open to the harsh light that leaked from my curtains. I groaned shifting my body to lay on my back and look up the ceiling. My entire self ached from my toes to my head. I had to gather up what was left of my willpower to roll out of bed. I snatched up some painkillers from my bedside table and a laid about bottle of apple juice that i cared not to check the date of to take the pills. I hoped it would dull some of the pain and decrease the amount of pounding in my head on the other hand I take them too regularly so I doubt they do much anymore. I sluggishly get dressed and take one look in the mirror to make sure that I look somewhat decent. I step closer to the mirror and look at my eyes. I hate them more than anything. Exactly like my Bro's, crimson red. I grab my shades and put them on. I've always worn shades, I had a pair that my brother gave me as a kid but John gave me these shades to be "ironic". Which I do but that doesn't mean a guy can't love a pair of glassed his best bro got him for his 13th birthday. I should spend more time with John, he always great to hang out with. As I am leaving to go school a blonde gothed up girl stood outside my flat entrance. I jogged up to catch up to her, persistent to ignore the pain.

"Hey Rose, how come you came here? You never come here" I question, hoisting my bag strap further on my shoulder, looking at her with a curious expression. She starts sauntering off to the way to school, looking forward as she does but never at me.

"I asked mother to give me directions here, I wanted to speak to you when you rudely pushed me aside so I actually have the decency to _make_ time for you" she lift up her chin, her stance prideful as she still refused to look at me. She was pissed and I have to admit I do feel kinda guilty doing that to my sister. I sigh.

"Oh dear sister, I beg for you forgiveness. I'll be a weak and begging boy at your knees if you so wish it" I plead mockingly, pressing my hands together in a praying motion. Rose rolls her eyes and storms a head slightly faster however I easily catch up with her in long strides.

"This is serious Dave if you even know the meaning of that word… and don't go mad at me at what I bring up" I stop in my tracks, staring down at the road before us. How much does she know? She takes a few steps forward till she realises I'm not following and turns to face me, staring at the ground, rolling back and forth on her heels. "I know he isn't treating you right.. So does mother." I scoff, shaking my head and looking at Rose with a forced grin.

"I have no idea what you're talking about" I lie, spitting the words through my teeth. Rose dares to look at me, genuinely concerned. She takes a deep breath and quickly walks over to me. Before I can back a way she grabs my arm and pulls up my sleeve,the hand mark as visible as can be. I yank my arm away and shove my sleeve down and start storming off in the direction of the school.

"She and I want you to come live with us!" She shouts, I can hear her heels hitting against the floor as she tries to catch up with me. I slow down my pace so can we can walk side by side, chuckling as I do so.

"Live with you and mum huh? An insane alcoholic. Sounds great and tell me Rose, tell me how much you adore being at home?" I know I'm patronising her and being cruel in ways I know I'll really regret later but right now words are just spilling out of my mouth. She looks at me straight in the eyes, her expression and tone of voice firm.

"She's getting help, aunt Roxy is helping her with it. Please just come over sometime and see for yourself!" Rose pleads, begging me with her eyes. My anger tones down and slowly I am able to think more clearly. I want to hug her, really badly but that would just end badly for the both of us.

"Rose, even if I do see there's no point in me coming back. So just drop it because I won't change my mind" I say almost apologetically. Moving my gaze toward the ground.

"Dave you're gonna fall apart. You want a better life and I know it.. That's why you're with Terezi right? You just need the affection and she will give it to you, but the way you look at her… it's not love it's need" I stay silent, just listening to her speak. Refusing to show her any emotion to prove anything that she is saying is right.

"Just for one day, let's be a family for once. We can love you more than he ever would".


	5. Family

I couldn't put it off any longer, Rose was riding my dick about me coming for a weekend stay. So here I am, friday evening, dumping my stuff in a spare room that she had set up for me in her large ass house. I didn't ask Bro for permission to go, I don't go seeking him out so I left a sticky note on his door that said 'Out for a weekend'. I pondered specifying who I was going to see but thought better of it seeing as it was the other half of the family he left for one reason or another. Wasn't hard to guess why I entered I hadn't had the pleasure of seeing my 'mother' yet. As elusive as ever. And Rose thought things were better. Instead it was Rose that showed me inside, made me a drink while we chatted just before she directed me to the spare bedroom that I would be using during my stay. Rose is so mature her age, the age of seventeen physically but mentally a thirty year old woman. She would kill me if I told her that though.

Rose entered my bedroom, scowling at the clothes I had strewn across my room in a undignified manner. I heard her huff as she leant down to pick up some shirts by her feet, picking up anything else that was on the floor as she walked towards me. I watched her only slightly amused. She dumped the pile on my bed and stared me down. I shrugged innocently, in response she rolled her eyes. As siblings we were able to communicate very well through body language despite never living together. Our parents split up at a very young age so we never knew what it was like to be a whole family.

Actually there was a chance that me and Rose would of never found out we were actually siblings because it was neither of our parents that had wanted to tell us, I guess that's why Bro is so bent on me calling him 'Bro'. We had an aunt and uncle from one either side of the family that would visit our parents time to time except they would only visit their sibling. Evidently I only saw my uncle named Dirk for the first few years of my life. I really liked Dirk. He would always do what he could to take me out the house and take me to awesome science conventions with my Grandad, that I had inherited my name off, because he knew what Bro was like. He was the brother that I always wanted but could never have around me 24/7. It never made sense that him and Bro were brothers, they were too polar opposites as much as Dirk insisted otherwise. My Grandad Dave had passed only a few years ago for reasons I had never found out. Dirk was so cagey about it I didn't want to push him. He didn't too distraught over it though, neither did was I or Bro though. Grandad Dave was an actor and always away on business leaving Dirk to stay on his own with some sort of nanny. When my Grandad Dirk decided to live in a shared youth apartment till he was 18 and able to get a place of his own which he had turned a year ago.

Far from the point however, when I reached the age of five Dirk and my mother's sister Roxy had obviously decided that we should know the truth and so they arranged to introduce me to my sister and aunt Roxy at the park. I feel I should mention that Dirk and Roxy are not blood related however they have known each other since they were very young. My grandfather and Roxy's and my mother's mother were apparently close friends. Evidently they became childhood best friends. At first when I met Rose I didn't know how to feel, she was her usual proud self so we rubbed each other the wrong way to begin with but Dirk's persistence to keep me in contact with Rose made me be able to become close to her in a matter of months. Me and Rose were able to connect through equally poor parental figures. She and Dirk are the only ones to know about Bro's harsh trials and training while Rose confided in me for her hatred for her mother's lack of sensitivity toward her own daughter. Rendering Rose to feeling completely useless while she watched her mother's alcoholic addition descend into something more cold. Words cannot explain how thankful I am for my sister, Dirk and Roxy. I'm more dependant on them then I would prefer to be, I don't think I would've carried on without them. I would of lost my humanity long ago. I have daydreams where Bro and Mom don't exist but Dirk and Roxy were my parents. Dirk would make a awesome dad that can teach me the ways to his robots whereas I always saw Roxy as a badass motherly figure.

I snap out of my thoughts when Rose shoves my shoulder lightly, looking at me inquiringly.

"Huh?" I say lamely, blinking a few times realizing that Rose was talking to me while I was blanking out.

"I said Mom's in the kitchen making dinner, we should head down" Rose informed me as she took my hand, tugging me out of the room. I let her pull me to the downstairs, watching the back of her blond head.

"She cooks now?" I question knowing full well that as someone with a mother load of money she just orders in meals for Rose because she's always to preoccupied to be an actual mother.

Rose turns her head to look at me, still pulling at my hand, her eyes bright with hope, smiling from ear to ear.

"I told you! She's making an effort for us!" she beams proudly. Oh man, I would be so pissed if our Mother was to crush this sparkling girl before me. I could feel my over protectiveness mode activate, tightening my hand around hers as if I could pass my aura on to her like a protective veil so that she couldn't be hurt. As skeptical as I was I wasn't going to comment on it, I didn't want anything to ruin whatever Rose was feeling at the moment. I would only bum her out.

I was pulled into the dining room and pushed into a cushioned wooden chair at the fancily engraved large dining table that could seat twelve people. Everything in this room screamed money from the slightly disturbing wizard paintings that hung in golden frames to the weirdly painted pots on mantle pieces. Rich people put weird things in random places that never made any sense to a peasant like myself.

I sat beside the head seat of the table with Rose sat opposite of me, I noticed her bouncing in her seat like an excited child. She looked so young and innocent, defiantly a new side to Rose I would love to see more. Not long after our mother made an entrance with two plates in hand and one delicately balanced on her arm. Mom was a tall and elegant woman but boy she does appear as a frightening woman. She lacked emotion, always wore a stern poker face. A head taller than me but still enough to tower over me. I could hear her heels (which easily added to her daunting height) click against the laminated floor and she placed a plate in front of both me and Rose. As she moved around me I could almost choke on the strong whiff of perfume that hit me as she drew near. Definitely a change from smelling like wine however it was a sharp sensation to the nasal system nonetheless.

I looked down at my plate and gulped once I saw what was presently rather dastardly upon it. Everything was almost burnt to coal black and I had to double think about her wanted to poison us with this.

"Mom! This looks great, thank you!" I shot a look up at Rose like 'are you serious' but she didn't catch on. She was smiling sweetly in the direction of our mother, seeming so genuine about wanting to enjoy this meal.

"I will get better" Mom spoke matter-of-factly. Oh yeah, her voice matched her expressionless demeanor. She reached for her drink, long elegant fingers wrapping around the glass, her long black nails making a tap sound against it, taking a quick sip. She could stab a man with those nails. I took note that her drink was water instead of her usual wine unless she was drinking straight vodka but there was no way I could lean over and just smell it to be sure. A part of me wanted to give her chance and be open to the fact she may be different on the other hand a better part of me knew that me have to be ready for her to come back crashing down just so I can be better comfort for Rose if this doesn't work out. Bro could never change and this woman had a thing with him, you would have to be stupid to fall for it so quick and innocently. Unless your Rose, Rose had a bail out of this because this was her mother, more so then mine. Hope was all Rose had.

"Well maybe we could cook together perhaps?" Rose suggest but then seemed to of catched onto how excited she sounded and dialed it down with a gentle smile. Mom only nodded in response, setting her drink back down. I decided to dig into my dinner, starting on the roast potatoes that didn't appear as black as everything else on my plate and with some extra force cut into the spud. Taking a bite, I was pretty sure this was meant to break my teeth not to mention how putrid it tasted. Despite this I soldiered on trying to neutralise any disgust on my face.

"Oh! Dave, Roxy and Dirk are over for the weekend" Rose informed, looking at me from over the table. I swallowed what I was eating, feeling a shudder down my spine as I did so.

"That's cool" I say with a knowing nod, stabbing my fork into another potato.

I would've liked to say that dinner went down smoothly but eating that went down as smooth as swallowing rocks granting all this Rose believed it was the best dinner in her life. If she was disgusted about how it tastes she disguised it very well. After thanking our mother for the meal she disappeared off to clean up, Rose offered to help however Mom dismissed it and we didn't see her for the rest of the night. Alternately me and Rose hung out in her room, both of us on her deep purple bed that accompanied her gothic room. She sat with her back to the pitch black wallpaper wall, legs stretched out in front of her while I layed my head on her lap, the pair of us doing our own respective thing on our phones. Quietly typing away as I chat to John and Jade while I assumed Rose spoke to Kanaya. My phone pinged as soon as I saw a red notification from a group chat that I was in with Rose, John and Jade, named the 'sburb kids'. Dumb I know but John set the name as soon as he completed one of this dumb computer games called Sburb. Curiously I peeked into the chat and saw a unflattering picture of myself in Rose's lap with visibly three chins. I dropped my phone and looked at a giggling Rose accusingly.

"You betrayed me" I implicated, poking her in the stomach aiming for her bellybutton, apparently it worked because with a louder giggle she started slapping my hand away.

"Never trust an evil mastermind young sweet David" she sneered, holding my hand down to my stomach so that I was restricted from poking her again. I groaned at the name, snapping my hand back to retrieve my abandoned phone. The group chat still up I saw John mocking my chins while Jade was saying 'it's not that bad'. With a grin I kicked Rose from the group chat resulting a gasp from her as she snatched my phone from my hands, once she hands me it back I found out that she had added herself back and kicked me. For a few minutes we had a game of kick the other sibling out the group chat until John had decided to kick us both so that put an end to my game.

I was just about to message John to sweeten him up enough to add me back when Rose asked me "Are you talking to Karkat?"

I sent the message to John before locking my phone to look at Rose who was looking back at me with a serious expression.

"Uh? And you want to know, why?" I quizzed, frowning. Rose let out a exasperated sigh, tutting as she shook her head.

"My dear ignorant brother, I feel for that boy" Rose patted my head with a pitying look. I sat up with an annoyed grunt and spun to sit cross legged facing her.

"Can we not with the mind games?" I demanded, leaning my arms against my knees as I stared her down. Rose rolled her eyes, dropping her chin into the palm of her hand as she looked back at me.

"Honestly, it's a guess but I am highly unlikely to be wrong on this but I believe Karkat likes you" I was taken aback, feeling my face heat up while my stomach did a huge flip flop. Rose snickered with her hand over her mouth like some evil 90's anime character.

"I- He- Like as a friend right?" I choked, rubbing my hand over my mouth. She shook her head with a knowing look, enjoying this only too much. I started to feel sick, like I could actually vomit. Something in me started to panic, everything was too much all of a sudden. I run my hands through my hair, with a groan I hung my head. I felt a comforting hand on my shoulder, rubbing softly back and forth.

"Dave? Dave! I'm sorry, I was teasing I didn't realising I was going too far" Rose apologized guiltily. When I didn't raise my head to look at her she did it for me by cupping my face in both of my hands. Forcing me to look at her. I pushed her hands away from me, forcing a smile, hoping the churning feeling in my stomach would cease. She has been a witness to what she calls my 'panic attacks' so she knows the signs when one is coming up like the back of her hand.

"No, no. I'm fine" I lied through my teeth, if Rose could see through it, which she probably could, she didn't call me out on it.

"If you want to know, he hasn't spoken to me since he yelled at me.. Which I still have no idea what that was even about" I confessed, squeezing the bridge of my nose between my fingers. My head was a mess trying to figure out why the thought of Karkat maybe fancying me would feel excited yet so incredibly awful and in fear? I wanted to push the idea to the deepest dark depths of my mind. I never had a guy fancy me before and it's not like I'm homophobic so what was the problem I was having? He probably didn't anyway, Rose loves to make assumptions.

"How do you feel about him?" Rose asked with caution as if I was a easily spooked squirrel. I press my lips together in a thin line, dropping my hands in my lap.

"I like him, as a friend! Some shit I can't really talk about is happening and I felt bad for him. I want to be friends with him, he's not so bad to hang out with either" I answered honestly, not daring to look at Rose in fear that she would have psycho analyzing me. Reading between the lines.

"You.. don't like him back? Look, I'm not gonna push it but.. Does it bother you when your sexuality is questioned?" I felt like I was stabbed straight through the chest having to swallow a large lump in my throat.

"Fuck no! I'm straight!" I snapped defensively then a wave of guilt swam through me when Rose looked hurt from me getting so touchy and closed with her. I swung my head back, leaning back slightly with a sigh before looking at her again, remembering to be softer.

"I just, don't know how to deal with a guy that might fancy me. It makes me uncomfortable, I mean I haven't had that much experience with women fancying me either. The only two girls that did like me ended horribly" I explain, feeling defeated. Rose knew all about Jade however not all the details about Terezi other than it wasn't the best way for us to end. That was TZ's personal business, I wasn't going to be an ass and blab about it for sympathy although I knew Rose wouldn't take it that way.

Before I knew what was happening I was being squeezed into a hug by Rose.

"I'm sorry, I barely know Karkat so I could be wrong" Rose comforted even though not along ago she said about how sure she was right. I didn't say anything and just loosely wrapped my arms around her waist, letting her hug me.

Later when I could feel Rose falling asleep against my side when we were watching one of her 'scarring' horror movies, I carefully laid her on her bed and sneaked out to my room. Throwing off my clothes on to the floor and slipped into the soft covers in just my boxers, laying there staring up at the pitch black ceiling. My mind was way to preoccupied with the thoughts of Karkat. Tossing and turning while his stupid cute face was constantly popping into my mind with a side of questions to my sexuality. That bit was the worst, it made me want to rip my own hair out or smash my face into the wall so the questions would just leave me completely.

It was the next morning and I was awaken by a murmur of voices following with a slam of doors. I let out a throaty groan as I dropped my arm to my face, using it to rub my eyes awake. Once I was comfortable enough to even open them into slits I patted around for my shades and slid them on. Swinging my legs out of the bed I scramble for some clothes.

Peaking around the door while pulling my shirt over my head overhearing Dirk and Roxy along with Rose. I crack a smile, sludging down the stairs still with an air of sleepiness. Dirk was the first to notice me, a bag hung over his shoulder, a large smile plastered onto his face.

"Ah~ it's sleeping beauty!" Dirk exclaimed, slapping his hand on his chest with mock swoon. As soon as Roxy realized Dirk meant me she dropped bags that were in her hands, sprinted over and glomped me, causing me to stumble back a few steps to catch myself before we could both crash into the floor.

"Daveeeyyyyyy" Roxy beamed as her arms were swung around my neck, I chuckled into her shoulder, patting her back. She pulled back by pushing on my shoulders, scanning me. Soon she squinted, scrunching up her nose in dismay.

"You've grown! Your taller then me now!" She grumbled with a pout, from behind her Dirk and Rose were both sniggering.

"Rox, a child is easily taller than you" Dirk teased, quickly regretting it when Roxy spun on her heel over to Dirk, aiming to kick him in the shin. Luckily Dirk swerved away before Roxy could land a hit. She huffed and went over to her next target Rose, she swung her arm over Rose's tiny shoulders and pulled her close.

"At least Rose wouldn't ever betray me in the height department. Isn't that right my little Rosey~" Roxy cooed, poking Rose in the face. With mild disgust Rose peeled a whining Roxy off of her body. Dirk swooped up Roxy's bags that hand been abandoned over his shoulder along with his own, using his free arms to nudge her on the small of her back.

"Come on crazy lady, you can play the annoying Aunt later, we gotta sort out the rooms" Dirk instructed, encouraging Roxy to the spare room that had yet to be preoccupied. Rich people and their big houses. Soon enough they were out of sight with only the faint sound of Roxy's whining. I walked over to stand beside Rose, placing my hand on her head.

"Roxy is right, you can never outgrow her.. Or anyone for that matter" I chuckled, even more so when Rose glared at me.

"Remove your hand before I break it"

"I have booked a day out so you ladies and gents don't have to stay inside all day" Our mother had walked into the living room where everyone was stretched out on the couch, watching the daytime TV. That was till the woman who hadn't showed her face the entire day till now turned up out the blue took our attention.

"Oh? Will you be joining us" Roxy enquired, sitting up straight from when she was sprawled across Dirk's lap. Mom simply shook her head and placed four tickets on the coffee table beside the couch that Dirk and Roxy were on.

"I have work to do, I am sure Dirk can drive you there" And with that she disappeared once again, leaving us to share befuddled looks to one another be that as it may Dirk's expression mirrored my skeptical frown. From what Dirk told me before when he used to visit me at Bro's he wasn't very fond of our Mother so he, like me, struggled with her. I suspect that Roxy had similar feelings toward her sister but I couldn't be so sure of that however.

"She's a scientist, she's gonna be busy" Rose defended with a shrug, focusing her attention back to the TV. Roxy leaned over Dirks lap to pick her and examine the tickets.

"Hmm, the zoo! Oh! We can look at all the little monkeys!" Roxy declared, clapping her hands excitedly, jumping up then yanking on Dirks arm, forcing him to pull up his tall lanky body.

"Come on kids, road trip" Dirk said with Roxy still clung onto his arm. I looked over at Rose who was avoiding eye contact with all of us, I scooted over toward her, sure that the fact that Rose was probably feeling bummed that our mother was barely spending any time with us. I leaned forward just so I could get a good look at her face, I wasn't wrong, Rose did look rather grim. I nudged my shoulder against her making her look at me.

"Hey Rose, I'm sure they have a small aquarium bit. We can stare at all the ugly deformed fishes" I encourage softly, hoping I could perk up her spirits slightly. She turned to face me marginally exasperated, about to say something when Roxy slapped her hands against Rose's knees passionately sunny.

"The monkeys Rosey! The monkeys! They will make you laugh!" Roxy's enthusiasm seemed to be the kick Rose needed to smile. She may not know the best things to say but her heart was always in the right place.

Rose's mood perked up when we hit the Zoo especially when she knew that pulling puppy eyes would make me do as she pleases. So here I was walking around with tiger ears on my head and whiskers face paint that Rose bullied me into. Rather proud of herself she walked in tow with me. Roxy ahead, dragging Dirk behind to gawk at every animal we went passed. Currently it was the large turtles that stood lamely not doing anything interesting. There turtles. I found myself particularly interested in the birds, I always thought birds were pretty cool however being up so close with them, all the different types and listening to them chirp was an astonishing experience. I've never been to a zoo before so this only added to it. It made me want a pet bird however I could only imagine what Bro would do if he ever knew I had a pet bird. I doubt he would appreciate the chirps as I did.

If I wasn't watching the animals I would be admiring Roxy, she looked so bright showing Dirk all the animals. There was a sparkle in her eyes, Roxy never looked so beautiful before. Obviously she was a stunning girl, before I knew she was my aunt I had to admit I had a huge crush on her, wacky but her smile was completely blinding. However now there was a glow to her that I desperately wished to catch. It was the only glow that could appear when you are in love. I couldn't tell if Dirk was catching on to this but there was no doubt that he was enjoying himself too. I imagined them being married, Roxy in a large white dress that would resemble a princess gown, Dirk waiting by the isle as she gracefully walked over. It may have been a silly thought but they were so close and happy together as best friends I couldn't imagine anything but them being being in bliss in they were together romantically. Some of it might be influenced by me wanted an actual wholesome family and having Roxy and Dirk as both mine and Rose's as our parents seems like a perfect world to me. I don't like to interfere in relationships but I couldn't understand a reason why they wouldn't be together.

We had seen all of the animals at least twice, Roxy had convinced Rose to wear some ears just like I was so she bought her and Rose some cat ears however it took all of her cash to buy them so she and Rose were at the cash point getting some more money for lunch while me and Dirk waited by his car for them to return. Dirk was dumping some things into the boot of the car when he called me over.

"Hey Dave, I got something to show you." I walked over, curious at the same time Dirk was turning toward me and holding a book out towards me. I take the book, looking over it realizing it was a encyclopedia on all the different kind of birds. I shoot a questioning look over at Dirk, raising a singular eyebrow.

"I saw you seeming really interested in the birds, so I got you a present" Dirk said with a soft smirk, holding his hands behind his head. I sudden rush of gratitude rushed through me, tears almost prickling my eyes. The fact that he was paying attention to me to figure out what I liked and that it was a random present. I barely ever get presents. I don't think about whether it would be awkward or not to hug him, so without thinking I swing my around around him and hold him tightly, willing myself not to cry. Thankfully if Dirk found awkward he didn't pull away and hugged me back. None of the Striders are fully comfortable or open with affection so I was slightly embarrassed with my outburst when I pulled away from Dirk. I remember when I was four and I tried to hug Bro, seeing everyone in preschool hugging their family members when they were let out of school I had wanted to try it. When I experimented on it with Bro I received a large back hand to the face, then another to send me to my room. After that I never tried it with Bro or anyone else. It was only after meeting Roxy and Rose was I able to get used to physically contact however physical content with men was still really iffy.

"Uh.. Thank you Dirk, I really.. Appreciate it" I thanked, hugging my new book to my chest, unable to simmer down the smile on my face. Suddenly there was hands slapped against my shoulders and I leap from my skin, my heart pounding in my chest when all I can think that Bro is behind me and that he must be pissed that he witnessed my hug with Dirk however when I dare to turn around I see it's only Roxy with Rose beside her. I feel a huge weight of my chest when I find out it isn't Bro but my breath is still quick and heavy, I'm thankful that my shades can somewhat hide all fear I had on my face, or at least I hope it does.

"Let's get in the car shall we" I tried had to cover my shaky voice as I hurry to hop into the backseat of the car, desperate to just hide myself and calm my heart rate. I really want to just kick myself at that reaction, it was so completely pathetic. I really hoped that neither Dirk nor Rose would pick up on it cause I know Roxy wouldn't understand it because if she did she would know to not spook me like that. One thing I am sure of though is that either Rose or Dirk would be scolding Roxy and that thought makes me uncomfortable so I do whatever I can to not pay attention to outside the car to whether they were or not. Instead I open my book and skim through the pages, running my fingers through the pages and over the pretty pictures of the birds. I ended up being so engrossed in the book that I didn't realise about everyone else was in the car.

We stopped off by McDonald's which is one of my favorite food places in the world. The greasier the better. We were sat at a four seater table, Dirk in front of me, both of us eating a large big mac greedily. Rose sat beside me with some chicken nuggets with Roxy in front of her with a big tasty bacon burger.

"Didn't you say you were on a diet?" Rose teased looking over Roxy's meal. Roxy waved her hand dismissively.

"I gave up on that as soon as I started" Roxy explained, making a show of taking a large bite from her burger with a proud grin.

"Good, I hate it everytime you try and look as skinny as your sister, it's terrifying. My Roxy is beautiful as she is" Dirk said matter of factly, sneaking a cheeky side smile towards her. Roxy was slim however her "assets" made her slightly bigger than she was, not like with even more or less meat would she look any less gorgeous. It's true however if she lost weight and would be slightly taller there would be a scary resemblance between the two sisters.

"He's right, I have seen how many boys swoon over you, you're very pretty" Rose added, reaching a hand out to rest it against Roxy's arm. Roxy who was squirming in her seat, making squealing sounds of happiness.

"Dream Gal Roxy" I said after finally swallowing what was in my mouth.

"Awh guys! I feel so very blessed!" Roxy said gleefully, her cheeks growing in a red colour as she pressed her hand against her plump cheek. We all chuckled at Roxys reaction, glad that she wasn't going to try and change herself.

"You know, Mcdonald's is kind of a secret weakness for me" We all turned to look at Rose who just spoke while gazing at her nuggets with satisfaction. "It's nice to be normal for once, not that rich girl with the overpriced meals that don't taste all that better. That girl with the rich mom that doesn't exist. Just to be the girl hanging out having fun like a teenager should" Rose confessed, wearing a sad smile. She barely ever opens up like this, from what I know her mom didn't know how to be emotional so it rubbed off on Rose. Roxy dragged her chair around the side the of table so she could pull Rose into a tight hug, Rose looked slightly uncomfortable but happy nonetheless. I decided to join in and wrap my arms around the two, pressing my cheek around Rose. Claiming my love for her in the most cheesy way for her that makes her groan in disgust. Dirk silently comes behind all of her and I can feel his arms wind around us.

It's nice to be pretend like we are a normally family when each of us have our own problems that we have to deal with but it's so much better with others who understand.

It was late and Dirk decided to catch up with me one on one in my room while we chilled to some music, both of us sat on opposite ends of my bed. He told me how it was being in university studying mechanics, meeting people and all the cool projects he'd make in his spare time. I told him how school was but not much else, I didn't want to tell him about the Karkat situation but when he asked about Terezi I said we had broken up. Dirk isn't one to push or ask questions, he knows if I want to tell him I would.

"Dirk, do you think you and Roxy will get together?" I burst out, cautiously waiting for his response. In a matter of seconds Dirk became very awkward, sinking into the bed, rubbing his hand against his neck. I feel kinda bad but I'm still curious so I don't take back my question.

"Uh.. Dave I.. No, I don't think so" Dirk muttered feebly, avoiding eye contact with me. I chew my lip, feeling my hope sink into my stomach. I try to contain myself but some sort of desperation in me wants to push.

"Why? Do you like another girl? Because Roxy is perfect for you, I can tell she's in love you" I blabber, words just tumbling freely from my mouth, subconsciously scooting forward to a growing more uncomfortable Dirk.

"No, it's not another girl Dave I-" he starts to say before I cut him off.

"Do you not love her? Why wouldn't you love her?"

"Of course I lover her, it's just-"

"Then I don't understand!" I cry, locked with Dirk's eyes. My hands curling into my bed sheet, gripping them tightly as Dirk pulls off his shades, pinching the bridge of his nose with a sigh.

"I'm gay, Dave!" Dirk blurted out, dropping his hand but refusing to look at me, staring at the other half of my room then me. I was at a loss for words, my breath at a hick. I sit back, taking my time to let what Dirk said sink in. My mouth agape, ready to question him but no sound comes out.

"Why are you so insistent on this?" Dirk questioned, side eyeing me with one of his golden brown eyes, fiddling around with the bottom hem of his shirt. It takes a while for me to answer, debating on what I should say and to even find the courage to speak.

"I just… want you both to be happy, after today I want to know what a true family would be like, with a true mom and dad" I answer honestly, my voice barely above a murmur as I shrug, dropping my head into my lap so I could only hear Dirk sigh once again.

"Are you angry at me?" I decide not to answer him, not sure of myself of what I felt.

"I know how she feels about me, if I am honest I'm angry at myself that I can't return what the same feelings. I thought many times about forcing myself to love her back but I realised I shouldn't have to change who I am. I can't hate myself for the way I am and I know Roxy wouldn't want me to do that to myself either" I look up at Dirk who's staring right at me and the way he's looking at me makes me realised what a jerk I was to act the way I did but Dirk still continues.

"That doesn't mean I don't care about her because she is my world, my best friend. I fucking adore her and it kills me that I can't give her what she deserves.. Either way though, we can still be a family even if I can't be with her… romantically. But the thing is, we are just as fucked up, we would be shitty parents anyway" Dirk jokes but I can see the underline of pain as he talks, realising this must be something he had trouble dealing with for a long time. There's a part of me however that is still struggling with the fact Dirk is gay. Dirk is gay. Thinking about it gives me a rush of emotions, a lot of them negative. As selfish as it is I can't help but want Dirk to not be gay. That isn't fair, it makes me angry for reasons I can't understand. All the feelings are brought up again from Rose's conversation, wanting to scream but instead I just sitting still, trying to comprehend and gather myself. I couldn't understand why this affects me more then it would about Rose being gay. Unable to say anything, in fear that I will say something horrible, especially when I see how hurt Dirk is that I am saying nothing at all. Fuck, he can read me like a book. I dive into Dirk, knocking him back as I hug him as tightly as I could, no matter how or who he is I will still love him.

I feel my eyes prickle with tears and soon I'm shuddering with tears and Dirk is rubbing my back soothingly, gripping my hands into Dirks shirt.

"I'm sorry, Dirk" I sob as Dirk continues to comfort me, shushing my cries. Everything that I've held up for so long, in a day I distorted myself into believing that I could have a chance at a normal life. For some reason it goes beyond Dirk and Roxy not being as perfect as I thought they are to how shitty life is with Bro. Bro in general of how much he's taken from me. What Bro would ever do to Dirk for being gay. What he would do to me. How fucked everything is.

After I finished crying, I layed in his arms as he petted my hair softly, not deciding to move away. Half layed in his lap.

"I'm scared" I admitted, finally moving to look at Dirk who seemed generally concerned for me, dropping his hand from my hair.

"I was talking to Rose to some things, like how this boy may feel about me and something about it freaks me out… it causes so many problems that I just can't deal with right now. I'm not sure how much longer I can deal with it" I confess, feeling beaten and weak, to vulnerable to care about being strong. "I'm not upset your gay, I think it makes me scared about.. How I feel, that my daydreams are just dreams"

Dirk listens intently, hanging on to my every word, concern written all over his face.

"Dave, if it upsets you don't think about it because right now it's not something you have to think about. If this boy tries to push you don't let it okay?" I nod lamely but it's not even if sudden if Karkat actually likes me but just listening to Dirk seems to calm the edge I have.

"Why don't you live with Rose? I know she's been offering?" Dirk questions, going back to petting my hair, grateful he's doing so I let my eyes close.

"I don't want to bother her, I don't trust Mom or even Bro for that matter. And when I think about leaving him I just.. I-" I choke up on my words, starting to hiccup when I feel the urge to cry again.

"Dave, don't worry, it's okay" Dirk interrupted, pulling off my tear stained shades, pulling me back into a hug. I knew it was a lie, things aren't going to be okay for a long time if they ever would. Nonetheless Dirk's comforting made me feel better.

Some time later I fell asleep against Dirk, worn out from crying however when I awoke I was alone, tucked up in my bed with the light shut off. I fumble blindly for my phone, finding it finally I switch it on, not ready for the light that temporarily blinds me. As soon as my eyes adjust I am able to look at the time. 2:00 am. I debate to go back to sleep or since I am awake see who's online to pester. A few people but none I really want to talk to right now, John went offline not long ago so I just missed him. Scrolling through my contacts I find, low and behold, Karkat is still online. I'm not surprised though, the boy never sleeps, it works well with his dark tired eyes and constant cranky behaviour. I yearn to message him but I can't positively say it would be the best idea. Hovering my thumb over his contact I go ahead and message him anyway.

TG: hey man dont you know its past your bed time

CG: DOES IT REALLY BOTHER YOU TO START A CONVERSATION WITH HELLO?

TG: last i checked at our last encounter you didnt say hello

CG: OH RIGHT. YEAH IM SORRY ABOUT THAT, I WAS HAVING A MOMENT

TG: dont you always

CG: SHUT UP

CG: HEY KANAYA WAS TALKING TO ROSE ABOUT SOMETHING SAYING THAT ROSE WAS REALLY UPSET BUT WOULDNT EXPLAIN WHY, KANAYA FREAKED OUT WONDERING IF IT WAS HER, IT WAS ON FRIDAY

I gulp, he must be talking about when I snapped at her about the Karkat situation. Fuck how was I supposed to explain this.

TG: yeah thats actually my fault we were having an argument about something stupid and i kinda upset her

TG: it wasnt kanaya, we made up now though

CG: AH SOME ARGUMENT KANAYA MADE IT SOUND REALLY BAD BUT I KNOW SHE CAN OVERMEASURE THINGS

CG: YOU OKAY?

TG: what

CG: ARE YOU OKAY? IF ROSE WAS UPSET I WONDERED IF YOU WERE

TG: whats this

TG: are you worrying about me

CG: DARE I CARE ABOUT MY FRIENDS

CG: DARE I WORRY OH THE BLASPHEMY OF IT ALL

CG: I HANG MY HEAD IN SHAME OF HOW I COULD POSSIBLY NOT BE A ASSHOLE AND IGNORE YOUR TRIVIAL PROBLEMS FROM NOW ON ILL WRITE A HUGE FUCK YOU ON WHATEVER KINDNESS I HAVE

TG: dude chill im okay

CG: GOOD WHEN I THINK ABOUT IF YOUR UPSET IT KINDA STAYS IN MY MIND LIKE SOME BRAIN EATING PARASITE SO YOU BETTER BE FUCKING OKAY

Okay, that caught my way off guard. I hate how I can feel my heart thump in my chest, it needs to not do that because there is no way intimate _feelings_ are involved in this.

TG: you saying you cant get me out of your mind ;)

Oh my god why did I send that, idiot! It's a joke! A casual joke between two guys, it means nothing.

CG: UHH

CG: YEAH

Okay I am officially quitting. I shut my phone off and throw it away carelessly, pulling my covers over my head, willing for my heart to calm down and my cheeks to not be as flushed as they were. I do not have those kinds of feelings for boys. And I need to get Karkat Vantas out of my head.

Notes: I feel like I am getting better at the story writing! I'm thinking of going back on a few chapters and tweaking some things! If you guys could comment some things that would be really appreciated!


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